The following outline contains some basic safety precautions which can be used while seeking out a partner for a Lifestyle relationship.   The nature of the Lifestyle relationship being what it is, personal safety can never be taken for granted when meeting a new prospective partner.  Whether you are Dominant seeking a submissive or a submissive seeking a Dominant, you can never truly be sure who you are REALLY talking to online or via the phone.  Even the sweetest sounding submissive could turn out to be a vicious predator.

While some people may find some of the following suggestions excessive, should you ever encounter a predator and/or become the victim of a predator, both you and your family will be very grateful that you have taken these steps as they may help put a vicious predator behind bars.

In no way is the following outline considered by its author to be comprehensive, nor is there any guarantee that following the steps in this outline will ensure your safety.

Online, Telephone, and General

I.     Spend time e-mailing and chatting in a vanilla fashion before moving onto to cyber-scening, phone-sex and/or real-life scenes.  It is VERY easy to get lost in the role of submissive and forget to ask the important questions. 

II. Get information you can verify:

A. First and last name

B. Date of birth

C. Location:  City, State, street address if they will

     share it.

D. Job

E.  Family information: married/divorced

     kids/no kids/parents

F.   Phone number with area code

You can go to http://www.anywho.com and use their Reverse Look-up feature to obtain the registered name and address for any listed phone number.  If any of the information does not match the information previously received or appearing on caller ID inquire about the discrepancies.  There can be very legitimate reasons why the name and address of a phone number might not match information previously obtained, however, such a discrepancy might also be the final chink in already weak armor.

III.         Check the IP ADDRESS of all incoming emails from the prospective partner.  The IP address  is located in the Headers of an email. Most email clients do not automatically display the full headers, however, you can choose to display the full headers in the Options section of most email clients.  Make note of all IP addresses, if multiple IP addresses are used ask the prospective partner where they email from, are there multiple locations he uses, etc.

Most predators will not use their real names and will provide you with false information regarding most aspects of their lives.  Should a meeting with a prospective partner turn into a worst case scenario the police can use the IP addresses to locate the exact computers from which e-mails were sent which may help to locate the predator.

IV.         Check the profile they use on messenger services and/or chat rooms

A. Make note of the info in each profile you find

B. Compare profile info with info gleaned from chats and emails

C. Question any discrepancies which cause you even the slightest concern and make note of the response

V. Ask for references and CHECK them.

A.  Dont be afraid to ask for references, especially if you think there is a possibility that you will want to meet in person.  Ask for references of both Dominants and submissives who can vouch for and offer information on your prospective partner. 

B.  CHECK the REFERENCES  and ask questions of the references that will touch on any specific concerns about the person, as well as questions that reference concerns you may have about a lifestyle partner in general.

C. Make note of all responses and compare to other information you have already obtained.

Before The First Meeting

I.     Arrange for a SAFE CALL:  A safe call should be a friend or family member whom you can trust to follow through with the following job requirements

A.   If you have a cell phone, arrange for a friend to call you periodically throughout the course of the date.

B. If you dont have a cell phone, arrange for a friend to expect calls from you at prescribed times throughout the date.

C.   Make a plan for what your friend is to do if any of the calls go unanswered or are not made:  call the police, call family members, etc.

II. Your Safe Call should have an agenda for your evening that is as comprehensive as possible, complete with the planned activities, the various places you are expecting to go throughout the evening, the time you expect to be home, etc.

Your Safe Call should be called and updated EVERYTIME plans change from the agenda he/she was given.

III. WORST CASE SCENARIO ENVELOPE:  This is a sealed envelope you will give to your safe call which is only to be opened in the worst case scenario. i.e.  Police and/or family members must be contacted due to planned calls not being received, you do not arrive home at the prescribed time, etc.

A.   The Worst Case Scenario Envelope should include all the information you have gathered prior to meeting your prospective partner:

1.      Name of prospective partner

2.      Mailing Address of prospective partner

3.      Phone number/s of prospective partner

4.      IP Address/es of prospective partner

5.      Birthday of prospective partner

6.      Screen name of prospective partner

7.      All e-mail addresses of prospective partner

8.      Picture of prospective partner if available

9.      Family information of prospective partner

10. Job information of prospective partner